For some strange reason, every time they play Julie’s theme, it sounded like ‘Nayak nahi khalnayak hoon main.’
Cast: Raai Laxmi, Aditya Srivastav, Pankaj Tripathi
Director: Deepak Shivdasani
When Julie (Raai Laxmi) wakes up in the morning with make-up on and yawns seductively right in the first scene, you understand she believes in the film’s tagline: Bold, beautiful, blessed. Even then, you don’t anticipate what’s coming for you till she breaks the fourth wall (doesn’t look intentional though) and says, “I am the best.” Ok then. We still believe you, for the next 20 seconds maybe, because you have already promised a helluva lotta fun.
Of course, everybody wants Julie’s body. Still, to remove any iota of doubt, Julie speaks in public interest, “Sabko Julie ka sharir chahiye lekin use sirf pyaar chahiye.” I don’t think anybody other than her in the entire film actually understands it. You’re in the wrong film, Raai Laxmi.
Julie ‘compromises’ and manages to become a really big star. So big that she catches the attention of a French filmmaker named Jean Claude who will make a film for her in Hindi. It’s oddly satisfying to see a foreigner as clueless as us in the film. Maybe this is why Pahlaj Nihalani decided to ‘present’ this film. He definitely needed a new trip after his stint at the censor board.
Anyway, Julie, the sweet child of Jesus (I swear they say this in the film), goes for jewellery shopping when some gun-toting weirdos attack the shop. They intend to kill our girl with machine guns. Who knows they might have parked a tank outside! They probably don’t know that Julie lives alone in a mansion with hardly any staff around. Why am I even doing this?
Inspector Abhijeet of CID, err, ACP Devdutt (Aditya Srivastava) is investigating the case. Let me explain how he feels in the film. He says, “Sooraj barf pighla sakta hai aur ek shilpkar ki murti bhi sakht kar sakta hai (The sun can melt the ice and can also dry a sculptor’s idol). Literal translation, I know. But he says this as his introduction line, for no apparent reason. I am yet to figure out the context of his dialogue, if there was any. He never explains it either. Maybe the director wasn’t on the set and Srivastava got a chance to do whatever he wanted to.
However, he does explain himself after punching a sidekick, “Ye dhai kilo ka nahi, dhai feet ka haath hai.” We didn’t deserve this. Actually, I didn’t deserve this because there wasn’t anybody else in the theatre.
For some strange reason, every time they play Julie’s theme, it sounded like ‘Nayak nahi khalnayak hoon main.’ On top of that, Raai Laxmi actually says, “Apni baat keh ke mere dil ka bojh utar gaya, ab bahut halka mehsoos kar rahi hoon (I am feeling light after pouring my heart out).” That had to happen, because our hearts are burdened now. It was far better to see Rati Agnihotri as Akshay Kumar’s mother in Singh Is Bliing than to watch her as Raai Laxmi’s guardian angel Annie in Julie 2. Apart from telling us, “Julie definitely Jesus ki beti hai”, she looks on the verge of crying throughout the film. This may take a toll on her health if she doesn’t forget this film real fast. From a beggar named Ambani to a southern film star Ravi Kumar (Ravi Kishan), Julie 2 is a mish-mash of astonishing characters. Kishan’s superstar talks in heavy Bhojpuri accent and Ambani calls Raai Laxmi ‘Maai’ (mother). This is all surreal. In between bizarre and shocking, Raai Laxmi keeps gyrating in body-hugging suits and shiny bikinis. She also dances on a song titled ‘Malasina (or Mala Sinha!) Dikhayegi Filmy Dance’. She oohs and aahs, even unhooks her bra twice or thrice, to make it work, but all in vain.
But you know what seals the deal for Julie 2? It’s when Aditya Srivastava whispers, “Thanks for sharing Julie’s story.” Yeah, right. Zero star.